Entitled dad expects 19-year-old daughter to babysit 3 half siblings under 5, flips out when she refuses: 'I'm not your backup mom'

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Ally Perry • Writer and Editor
Feb 10, 2025 1:00 PM EST

Social media has underlined the fact that the plight of the eldest daughter can be a difficult one. As both the oldest child and the girl, parents and family members can sometimes place unfair expectations and responsibilities on them from a young age. While it doesn't always happen, when it does it can be a stressful experience that puts strain on the family dynamic. It's not an ideal position to be in.

One of the situations in which this dynamic is most common is when the eldest daughter is significantly older than any of her other siblings. Certain parents see this as an excuse to use them for free childcare. While in the right context, this doesn't have to be a problem, it is a benefit that can easily be taken too far. No matter what order somebody comes in the family, they deserve to have their own life and autonomy.

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    via Ave Calvar (Unsplash+)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • This is something that one young college student struggled with thanks to her father having some stressful expectations of her. Divorcing her mom when she was 12 and marrying a much younger woman who he had had an affair with, he and his new wife ended up having three kids in a short space of time. The dad then expected his eldest daughter to babysit whenever they felt like they needed it, something that she quickly ran out of patience for. When she began to refuse his requests, he blew up in response and other family members followed.

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    Cheezburger Image 10466316544
    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    AskAubry Mo @ask_aubry Oh now he's concerned about family taking care of family?
    via ask_aubry
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    AITA for refusing to babysit my half-siblings and telling my dad I'm not his "backup mom"? Advice Needed Hi Reddit, I (19F) think I might have gone too far, but I need some outside perspective. For context, my parents divorced when I was 12 because my dad cheated on my mom with a younger woman, Emily (now 31F). It was a messy, ugly divorce, and my relationship with my dad has been strained ever since. He married Emily pretty quickly, and they now have three kids under 5. Ever since the kids were
    via ask_aubry
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    Last weekend, he called again, practically demanding I babysit because Emily had a "mental breakdown." I lost it. I told him, "I'm not your backup mom. You chose to have more kids, and that's not my responsibility." He got quiet and then said, "I thought you were more mature than this," before hanging up on me. Now, both he and Emily have been sending me messages, calling me selfish and saying that I'm abandoning my family. My grandma even chimed in, saying I should "help my father in his time o
    via ask_aubry
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    Commenters saw that the Dad was at fault in this situation.

    The Road Jess Travelled @JessPected Replying to @ask_aubry Emily wouldn't have had a mental breakdown if he'd been an actual parent. Instead he abandoned his first child, repeatedly impregnated a young woman to trap her, then remained a tourist in his children's lives while trying to groom his oldest to accept exploitation from men.
    via JessPected
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    Evi❤ @watchfuldyingin Replying to @ask_aubry Would the dad be saying the same if the OP was male?
    via watchfuldyingin
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    *Cursed Maven OPOSS... @OpossumWarfare Replying to @ask_aubry She is definitely not the ah le. He blew up his family and if he thinks that family takes care of family, he should've taken care of his first family. It's his fault. He's the a hole. The side of the family taking his side are too. Thank you end rant.
    via OpossumWarfare
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    Rosie Quartz @la sacerdotista Replying to @ask_aubry Honestly this is why we have the block function on our phones. I'd block the dad, the wife, and the grandmother. She's 19... if family helps family are they helping her with her college tuition? Her bills? Supporting her in anyway? My guess is no... they just want to exploit her for free childcare. Block them all!
    via la_sacerdotista
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    Carina @Carina_Amyth Replying to @ask_aubry Your daughter doesn't exist to babysit her siblings, and Grandma should offer if she's thinking that way. Dad is the AH. coffeemages Your daughters do not exist to give you grandchildren iloveradfems Or domestic labour by the age of 7 swedepea And they're not a mini-mom for their siblings either sissikuk Or be your personal therapist. artbythedarkside They're not here to live the life you wish you had.
    via Carina_Amyth
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    Limerence X @limerX10 Replying to @ask_aubry She made the right choices. She has school, work and it's her Father,his wife, Grandmother who is being selfish.Its not her responsibility to babysit half siblings.Especially under the circumstances.....
    via limerX10
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    Transplant MD PhD @transplnt_mdphd Replying to @ask_aubry Babysitting isn't bonding. Bonding would be dad giving you money to go to something enjoyable woth one of the kids on your terms. They don't love or respect you. You're literally free labor. Please focus on yourself and those worthy of your time.
    via transplnt_mdphd
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    wilée @wallywelles Replying to @ask_aubry NTA. Plus, him saying; "I thought you were more mature than this.."" The audacity!? If I was OP, I'd have let the petty in me take over & respond with: "Well, with a 'role model' like you, what did you expect?"
    via wallywelles
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    LipstickPainter @ScrrreamingPink Replying to @ask_aubry She sounds like a smart, sensible young woman who knows how to set boundaries.
    via ScrrreamingPink
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    Амена @сосojelibean Replying to @ask_aubry grandma can babysit. end of discussion
    via cocojelibean
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    Miss Kris. Most days. W... @aWeeG3 Replying to @ask_aubry Right?? I don't see any mention of "even tho my dad left my mom, he always made time for me, made sure I knew how much he loved and valued me, that no matter what else, *I* was just as important and always would be". Guess what? Older siblings aren't built-in babysitters.
    via aWeeG3
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    1-2-3 shoot @AlpineAddiction Replying to @ask_aubry "Family takes care of family"...unless it's me and I want to cheat on my first family and not be an active participant in the second one... then it's everyone else's problem. Guaranteed he's not helping Emily at all and that's why she keeps asking for more help.
    via AlpineAddiction
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    Red kites are awesome @kitkay24369 Replying to @ask_aubry He can look after his own kids. He should be encouraging his daughter in persuing her goals, not demanding she sacrifice them to make his life easier.
    via kitkay24369
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    Mandy @mandy_harker Replying to @ask_aubry I think she's totally within her rights to say no, he's clearly just as selfish as when he had an affair. On top of that he did choose to have extra kids and that's on him, not her. I've never been a fan of the eldest daughter being a second mum as so often happens.
    via mandy_harker
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    Science Loving Li... @LissaJStrange Replying to @ask_aubry I understand that stepmom is overwhelmed and all, but why isn't dad taking care of the kids? He doesn't mention being overwhelmed as well. I feel like it would be different if he were asking her to help him while he takes care of them.
    via LissaJStrange
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    *Olsaka @Biohazard_Isaka Replying to @ask_aubry show... His choices are not her responsibilities. Also his family should help instead of harrassing her.
    via Biohazard_Isaka
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    Cat Williams@dizzycatdesign Replying to @ask_aubry My brother was a SAHD who tried to get me to babysit his 3 kids for free when I was in my 20's. And my mom was like: "where you putting the crib?" I NOPED out of that whole scheme &lived my own life. My mom gave all her free time to those kids. Now they're grown up & IGNORE her
    via dizzycatdesign
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    Kat K @HIHKatharine Replying to @ask_aubry Men make their own bed so they can lie in it. The grandma chiming in to continue the servitude for the men. The daughter dud the right thing and has her life together. She should go no contact, they don't deserve her.
    via HIHKatharine
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    Shimmersoft @Shimmersoft Replying to @ask_aubry "I thought you were more mature than this" is narcissist-speak for "how dare you hit the nail so plainly on the head"
    via Shimmersoft
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    Primrose Lane @ridiculoustimes Replying to @ask_aubry I'll bet when he "helps out" Emily with his own kids, he considers it "babysitting" as well. Also, if dad is asking daughter to help out with Emily's job, daughter should ask dad to sub for her at her part-time job.
    via ridiculoustimes
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    justalurkr (she/her) H Replying to @ask_aubry Smart kid. Her mom is raising her effectively.
    via justalurkr

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